She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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