Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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