he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
false alarm, still single
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
