You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I cannot find my penis.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
