I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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