reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize