What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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