you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
