I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
