dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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