I think my vagina is haunted
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
