I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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