I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
