He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
