I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
