If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
His nipple licking is glorious
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