would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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