I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
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