One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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