he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My dick has a subreddit
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
