dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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