Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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