I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
