her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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