since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Randomize
