You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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