SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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