You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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