Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
