Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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