do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
