I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
