So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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