I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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