okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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