I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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