Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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