And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
