just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
MIDGETS
????
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
