It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
