yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
