Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
