Plan B is the new Plan A
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
