look no pants
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
