foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
