i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
