Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
