i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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