thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
