i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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