tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
