I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
