broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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