Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
