We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
