So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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