you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
