around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
