Can i not drive my cunt home
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
