i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
