I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
