I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
