she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
