it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
