i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
