you guys were way drunker than both of me
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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