it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
