Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize