I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
