Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
His nipple licking is glorious
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