I want to have your abortion
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I deserve this hangover.
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