He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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