Is it normal to miss your booty call?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
